My Favorite Car Jokes & Insurance

Jokes can make us smile, tell us stories and offer a valuable insight. Let’s have a laugh and see if these jokes offer any insurance insights or have implications. I like to start with one of my old time favorites.

The Pope on the Road

One day the Pope decided to drive and ask his chauffeur to sit in the back. As they were traveling nicely, they came to a roadblock. There was a dangerous criminal on the loose and the captain ordered every car to be searched thoroughly before it was passed through.

As the Pope approached, the young officer noticed him and waved him pass. His captain goes crazy and asks him why he let the car through. The young officer says “I don’t want any trouble”. This makes the captain even more crazy and he asks “what trouble?”

The young officer replies “I don’t know who was in the back seat but his driver was the Pope”.

black humorWe Drive Like This

An American gentleman gets in a taxi on one of his travels abroad. While he is watching the road he sees the driver step on the gas as the amber light appear and shoots across while it turns red. He shouts at him and says “are you crazy? You are going to get us killed”. He replies “relax this is how all my friends drive”.

They cruse on and approach to another traffic light. This time it is going amber to green. The car stops and he carefully looks both sides. American gentleman gets curious and asks “why did you stop, it is green”. The driver replies “just making sure one of my friends isn’t coming the other way”.

Paint my Porch

A small time criminal needed some cash and wanted to try doing an honest job for a change. He starts knocking door to door on a Saturday asking if he could do small works around the house for cash. One guy comes out and tells him he would pay him fifty bucks if he paints his porch. Seeing that it is agreed the homeowner goes inside and brings a can of white paint and brushes and hands them over to the crook.

He goes inside and tells his wife about the bargain deal he just struck. His wife tells him that their porch covers half of the house and he is taking advantage of someone who clearly needs some cash right away. To their surprise the guy walks inside, hands back the paint can and brushes and reports that the job is done.

The owner asks if it was hard. The guy says “it took a bit of time but it was OK.” And he continues “by the way, it is a Ferrari, not a Porsche”.

I Am not Speeding

A police officer stops a guy who is clearly well over the speed limit. He asks the driver if he was aware of his speed.

The guy says “oh yeah, I was racing with this other guy”. Officer says “what other guy, have you been drinking sir?” Confirmation comes quick that he has been drinking and taking drugs just before he got on his automobile. Officer asks if he needs to know anything else like guns and drugs. The driver says that he has AK-47 on his side, some heroine in the glove compartment and someone in the trunk.

Police officer gets scared and backs off to call backup. When the Sheriff arrives he approaches and tells him to get off the vehicle and does his search to find none of the things in the vehicle that was reported by the other officer. He explains to the driver why he was being search waiting for an explanation.

The driver goes crazy and says “what, I have been drinking, taking drugs, had an AK-47, drugs in my car and a kidnapped person in the trunk?” “What else? Did he tell you I was speeding too?”

Waiting for You

A police officer strikes a conversation with someone he just stopped for “speeding” and says

“I have been waiting for you all day”

The driver replies in the same fashion and says

“Sorry, I came as fast as I can”

After laughing out loud a while the police officer lets him off the hook and waves him off to carry on.

Good LuckChicken Accident

A farmer goes to see a lawyer. He asks “if someone runs over my chickens with his car shouldn’t he pay for them?”. The Lawyer replies yes confidently. The farmer says “Then, you owe me $50 because it was you who ran over the chickens the other day”. The lawyer replies “You can pay me $50 in that case”. Surprised farmer asks “what are you talking about paying you $50?”. The smart lawyer explains “Your chickens are $50 and this consultation fee is $100. So, you owe me $50.”

On the Wrong Side

A traffic police in Britain stops a car near London that appears to be zigzagging. He approaches the driver side and asks the person to step out. After seeing the person struggling to even stand on her feet and fail the alcohol test she gets arrested and the automobile gets towed away to police compound.

Next day she is taken to magistrates’ court for her hearing. The public prosecutor starts with “so, you were drunk that you couldn’t even stand properly?”. She replies “so”.  Prosecutor gets into his enraged gear and starts with “what you mean so, you have been driving in that condition”. She replies “no, I wasn’t”.

It turns out that a French couple was in a French car. Being in Britain, the police assumed that the driver would be on the right and arrested the passenger for being intoxicated. (Britain is one of the handfuls of countries in the world where driver seats are on the right and vehicles go on the left lane).

Where to Park?

A husband and wife was eating breakfast when they heard the radio say “we are expecting snow today and we ask that you park cars on the odd numbered side of the road so that the snowplows can clean the streets” The obliging wife goes out and parks the family auto on the odd side of the street.

Next week they hear the same announcement on the radio but this time the announcer asks that vehicles are parked on the even numbered side of the street for snowplows. She goes out again and parks the car on the even numbered side and return home satisfied.

Again during breakfast the following week the radio starts going on about the snow and this time before the couple can hear which side of the road to park the power is off. The wife is puzzled and confused turn to her husband and asks “which side of the street am I supposed to park the car now?”

The husband kindly replies to his dutiful wife, “Why don’t you leave the car in the garage this time?”

Good News

A man is greeted by his wife as he come home. She says she has good news and bad news about their car. The man says, “Okay, first give me the good news.” His wife replies, “The good news is, the air bag works…”

Got the License Plate

The other day my wife was at the store, and just as she was heading for our car, someone stole it! I said, “Did you see the guy who did it?” She said, “No, but I got the license plate.” Rodney Dangerfield

How Do You ……?

Three men are fishing in the Caribbean. One guy says, “I am here because I had a big fire; lost everything. Luckily, my home insurer paid it all and I am enjoying the money.”

The second guy says, “I have lost my business completely in a terrible explosion. The business insurance company paid generously. That is how I can afford to be here fishing with you.”

The third guy says, “What a coincidence, I have lost everything as well in a colossal flood. Both my home and auto insurance companies paid for all the losses. Then, I decided to enjoy some of the money here.”

This baffled the other guys. They turned to him and asked, “Flood? How do you start a flood?”

Dirty Insurance Joke

Two ladies are playing golf. One of them ask the other, “Do you and your husband reach mutual climax?”. The other replies “No, we are with the State Farm” (a mutual insurance company).

– And I cannot leave these one liners out;

Condoms prevent minivans

“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves” Einstein (you don’t need to be Einstein to know Kissing while Driving is dangerous).

“I hate when people drive like me” Mike DeStefano

“When everything is coming your way, you are in the wrong lane” Steven Wright

What These Jokes Tell Us about Auto Insurance?

First of all, if you keep going fast you will get caught one of those days. They will find out about it sooner or later and increase car insurance rates. Mind the speed and obey traffic rules. Remember if everyone keep breaking them there would be chaos on the roads. Getting speeding tickets will damage records and that is why people try to get out of them desperately. If you keep getting points on the license you shouldn’t complain and ask questions like why does my car insurance keep going up?

Secondly, don’t do silly things that will result in a car insurance claim. Make sure the automobile is out of harm’s way, doors are looked and nothing valuable left inside. So many people not only don’t lock their vehicles but also leave the keys on ignition. Few leave the vehicle running as well to make it easier for the thieves.

Road ahead closedActually, one of my friends has done exactly that. She left the engine running in front of their apartment when she went upstairs to drop something. When she returned the car was gone. One of the neighborhood kids couldn’t resist the opportunity of a joy ride on a BMW and took it. Luckily, it was left on the roadside when the petrol ran out.

Thirdly, think twice before deciding to fight an insurance company in the court. Think about the costs and what would happen if you lose out. Many people’s joy of winning a court case is cut short the moment they realize how much is left after paying the costs and lawyers. Then, there is the problem of losing and having to pay out the costs out of pocket.

You should try all the other alternatives like talking nicely to someone in the upper management and trying to get them pay a claim. If all fails and feel injustice you look at the options and choose a lawyer well. Don’t instruct any law firm without agreeing on costs and getting some sort of estimate on costs.

Always inform the insurer if the car has some modifications. If you don’t tell them how are they supposed to know? Upon realizing that it has been significantly modified they may decide to reject a claim. Or they may not pay for expensive detailing or upgrades you have had done.

Use it if you have a garage or private parking space. Tell the agent about it since you are likely to get cheap auto insurance for keeping the vehicle off the road at night. When you are looking for a new home you should try to get one with a private parking space where possible. You will sleep better at night knowing that the car is safely parked and save on automobile insurance.

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